Getting done with doing homework at a bowling alley with women "wahooing" and squealing, I've struggled to keep myself sane. I think it would've been easier if I hadn't had a full day of work, going back and forth between departments and dealing with ignorant people that make me want to pull out my hair. Enough about that.....
I've fancied a ring that has barbed wire engraved on it. I don't need diamonds, rubies, sapphires.....just give me barbed wire. I think it matches my personality the best. It kinda makes me think when Cody and I broke up....I had this sudden urge to get a tattoo with the word "Unbreakable". I went crazy obsessed with that word. Just to prove that a boy will never fully break my heart or make me lose sense of who I am. Sure, I lost myself in our relationship...but I still knew the kind of girl I really was...especially when everything was said and done.
I try to make myself seem really tough...and with the thought of barbed wire, I think of my guard that I have up. When you get hurt once, it's one thing. You're either naive or completely paranoid. I was inbetween.....I would consider it to be skeptical. I was skeptical because I knew that there's someone out there who's completely worth letting down my guard around but also, it's hard to recognize who's worth it and who tries to make you believe that they are. If you let your guard down for everyone, you're letting everyone have the opportunity to hurt you. It's just not what you should do.
I will fully only open up to probably three or four people off the top of my head right now. I can't take risks and just assume that I won't be hurt again.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Kismet.
Referring to the Turkish word for fate or destiny, I'll always be fascinated with "kismet".
Reflecting back on my summer, it wasn't my proudest moment. I kept trying to make things happen for myself and that's why they didn't work out. Zane.....turned out to be a player...like he was like 3 years ago??? Some things never change. Nick.....it seemed like we were both trying to use eachother to get over our exes..which doesn't work. And James.....He's overseas and claimed that he was still in love with me but yet, he can't seem to stop putting pictures of him and his exgirlfriend....a.k.a. "best friend" up on facebook as his profile picture. You're not fooling me, bub. James told me to move on because of his position....him being in the army and such....and I guess he didn't like the outcome of what happened. As in...I moved on and it ticked him off. My heart has been a rollercoaster, lots of ups and downs....and falls.
This kismet actually started and ended with a kiss. A kiss from Cody Conrad started my journey of misery, insanity, wonderment, and best of all, bliss. I was asked for a goodnight kiss from him...that was the last time I saw him before he called it quits. A kiss full of mocking torture and amusement. A kiss that he claimed took place "out of old habit". Those words will always haunt me. A figurative way to slap a girl in the face. He did it out of spite and to rub it in all the while, leading me on.
We have all learned by now that I'm not the kind of girl who will wait around. This is why I had a crazy summer full of trying to find his replacement. By the time the summer was over though, I had realized I didn't want a replacement. A replacement is for when your favorite flip flops break and you buy another pair....the same color and all. I wanted something better....An Upgrade.
A Blind Date at a bowling alley is where the kismet began. I couldn't stand the guy I was being set up with, all the while, there was someone working there that I wanted to get to know. I couldn't approach him. I was on a date? How bad would that look. "Oh hey, I'm on a date with this loser but you're really cute. I'd like to get to know you?" Blahhh....player alert.
Twist of fate all happened two nights after the date. I was bored and decided to post an ad up on craigslist as a test. If this guy was meant to meet me and get to know me....he'd find a way to see what I wrote, right? RIGHT! He replied and everything started right then and there. Phone calls, emails, dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend and we kissed. There we go....BOOM! Kismet.
Ofcourse, this is the definite condensed version of what happened if you're really curious for the full details...you'll just have to message me or whatever! In conclusion of everything....I'm glad that Cody is a lying, cheating sack of crap and that I was able to realize this so I could finally have something.....and someone better. That boy was used to having everything handed to him and so his new girlfriend can deal with that. I have someone now that while I'm focusing on him, he's focusing on me. 50/50....what I've always wanted. Get it, Got it, Good. I feel complete :) Please, nobody try and wipe the smile off my face because you'll be merely disappointed!
And I'm off to finally say goodbye. Until next time.
Reflecting back on my summer, it wasn't my proudest moment. I kept trying to make things happen for myself and that's why they didn't work out. Zane.....turned out to be a player...like he was like 3 years ago??? Some things never change. Nick.....it seemed like we were both trying to use eachother to get over our exes..which doesn't work. And James.....He's overseas and claimed that he was still in love with me but yet, he can't seem to stop putting pictures of him and his exgirlfriend....a.k.a. "best friend" up on facebook as his profile picture. You're not fooling me, bub. James told me to move on because of his position....him being in the army and such....and I guess he didn't like the outcome of what happened. As in...I moved on and it ticked him off. My heart has been a rollercoaster, lots of ups and downs....and falls.
This kismet actually started and ended with a kiss. A kiss from Cody Conrad started my journey of misery, insanity, wonderment, and best of all, bliss. I was asked for a goodnight kiss from him...that was the last time I saw him before he called it quits. A kiss full of mocking torture and amusement. A kiss that he claimed took place "out of old habit". Those words will always haunt me. A figurative way to slap a girl in the face. He did it out of spite and to rub it in all the while, leading me on.
We have all learned by now that I'm not the kind of girl who will wait around. This is why I had a crazy summer full of trying to find his replacement. By the time the summer was over though, I had realized I didn't want a replacement. A replacement is for when your favorite flip flops break and you buy another pair....the same color and all. I wanted something better....An Upgrade.
A Blind Date at a bowling alley is where the kismet began. I couldn't stand the guy I was being set up with, all the while, there was someone working there that I wanted to get to know. I couldn't approach him. I was on a date? How bad would that look. "Oh hey, I'm on a date with this loser but you're really cute. I'd like to get to know you?" Blahhh....player alert.
Twist of fate all happened two nights after the date. I was bored and decided to post an ad up on craigslist as a test. If this guy was meant to meet me and get to know me....he'd find a way to see what I wrote, right? RIGHT! He replied and everything started right then and there. Phone calls, emails, dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend and we kissed. There we go....BOOM! Kismet.
Ofcourse, this is the definite condensed version of what happened if you're really curious for the full details...you'll just have to message me or whatever! In conclusion of everything....I'm glad that Cody is a lying, cheating sack of crap and that I was able to realize this so I could finally have something.....and someone better. That boy was used to having everything handed to him and so his new girlfriend can deal with that. I have someone now that while I'm focusing on him, he's focusing on me. 50/50....what I've always wanted. Get it, Got it, Good. I feel complete :) Please, nobody try and wipe the smile off my face because you'll be merely disappointed!
And I'm off to finally say goodbye. Until next time.
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